A How To Essay
by dolly-dear
Summary: Alanna and Chelsea, crazy fangirls, are sucked into the world of Kingdom Hearts and are met by none other than the entire gang! What adventures will they find? Yaoi.
1. Prolouge

Kingdom Hearts: Regardless of Warnings

Summary: Me and Chelsea, crazy fangirls, are sucked into the world of Kingdom Hearts! What adventures will we find?

This fic has its moments where it has plot, but otherwise stuff your pillow with my endless fluff!

**warning: **This contains some yaoi/shonen ai (whatever) And if you are offended get the hell outta here.

Disclaimer: KH ain't mine.

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Alanna and Chelsea were walking home from the movies, around 7 o'clock, talking.

"Waaake uuuppp," Chelsea said, waking her friend out of a daze.

"Huh? Oh, sorry. Just thinking."

"Get over it girl. Riku belongs to Sora!"

Alanna gave Chelsea the "shut the fuck up or I will bite you" look.

"Whoa! Sorry. Just stating the obvious."

"Yeah... But can't a girl dream?"

"Does it have to do with a bed, you, and Riku?"

"Mebbe.."

"Then no. Make it Riku and Sora."

Alanna sighed and continued walking in silence, defeated.

"Alanna watchea doin tomorrow? Maybe we could go to the beach or somethin?"Chelsea asked.

"Hm...say about...11 A.M.?"

"Great! see ya there!"

Alanna crossed the street over to her house, while Chelsea continued on the sidewalk.

'I wonder what's for dinner?...' Chelsea thought. (A/N I usually have dinner late!)

"Mmmm...I smell-"

"CHELSEA GET THE HELL OVER HERE!" Chelsea heard Alanna call from across the street.

"Huh?"

"NOW!"

"OKAY, OKAY!"

Chelsea ran over to where Alanna was standing.

"What th- OH MY GOD!"

She saw what her friend had gotten so freaked out about.

She saw a boy...around 14, unconcious.

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I'm about halfway through with Chapter 2, and it's already pretty long. So yeah, this is just short cause I want to get this started. 


	2. Hola!

Chapter 1: Hola!

A/n Wow this took a while…. And I hope you all are happy because I actually edited this one! o.O Oh well…. Okay now onto the story! For all of 1 reviewer -.- I hate my life. Aaannnd I am going to add some yaoi/shonen ai in here. SxC and RxS. I'm not so good at yaoi. So like, don't flame!

ENJOY

Chelsea gaped at the brown-haired boy. "Alanna … Who's that?"

"Don't look at me!" Alanna said, shaking her head.

Chelsea walked up to the boy and poked him in the shoulder. "You okay?"

Alanna sweat dropped. " Chelsea … He's unconscious. Do you really think he can hear you?"

"Good point. So what do we do with him?"

"Er …. I don't think either yours or my parents would welcome a teenager who's a boy into their house…"

"Mhph…" Both the girls heard.

"Did you say something?" Chelsea asked.

"That wasn't you?"

"Wh- where am I?"

The girls yelped and stared at the stirring boy in front of them.

"Who are you?"

"Uh … I'm Chelsea and this is Alanna"

Alanna nudged Chelsea at this. "Shut up…" She murmured.

Chelsea rolled her eyes and asked "Now who are you?"

"Me? I'm Sora… And what world is this? And why are you wearing those weird clothes?"

The girls looked from their clothes to Sora's. They were a bit different. "Man, you're crazy. This is the only world. Earth."

"Huh? What about the islands? Traverse Town? Hollow Bastion?"

" Chelsea," Alanna whispered, "I think he's crazy…"

"I am not crazy! Seriously! Here I'll show you my keyblade!" Sora summoned his blade and showed off a few moves to the gaping girls. He leaped up in the air and yelled "HYAH!" and brought the sword down on the ground. The girls leaned against the wall for support at the resulting earthquake.

"Whoa! How'd ya do that?" Chelsea asked.

Sora glared. "Duh… I'M THE KEYBLADE MASTER!"

"No need to yell! Gawd…" Alanna said, annoyed.

Chelsea walked up and poked Sora in the stomach. "If you are really a 'Keyblade Master' and you do come from another world… How'd ya get here?"

"I have no idea…"

"Well, what was the last thing you remember in this 'other world' of yours?"

"I was in the gummi ship, flying, and then all I can remember was darkness."

"Can't help you there I guess."

"EEK!"

"What?"

"Alanna! Look!" Chelsea exclaimed pointing at the wall. It was staring to dissolve into blackness.

"The heartless! They're destroying the world! RUN!"

All three ran and soon realized that the entire world was being surrounded by the stuff. The earth was disappearing.

All of a sudden, the three were throw into what seemed like a black hole. "Whats going on!" Alanna asked no one in particular.

And just as suddenly as it had started, it stopped. They landed on something hard. When she looked around, Chelsea noticed they were in another alley. She thought they were home.

"Hey! Sora! Is that you?" They heard a voice ask, coming from the entrance.

"Riku?" Sora asked, "Yeah! It's me!"

"Where've ya been? Donald said you were with him and Goofy and then you just disappeared!" Riku said, coming up to see the three.

"I did! And I went to a new world called Earth! And I met Alanna and Chelsea here," at this Sora pointed to the girls who were looking very confused. "Their world was destroyed and we ended up here!"

"Uh… where is here?" Chelsea asked, realizing they were not home.

"Traverse Town ..." Riku said, still a bit confused.

"Uh.. Well.. How do we get back?" Alanna said.

"Weren't you listening? I said your world was destroyed."

"Oh my god!" The two girls said together, panicing.

"Um, sorry but I guess you'll have to stay here," Riku said, not even bothering to make his voice sound sypathetic. He was staring at Sora, concern on his face.

Alanna, still panicing, said, "Where will we live? We don't exactly have enough munny to buy a house, ya know."

"I guess you can stay withCloud and Sq-er.. Leon." Sora said.

Riku snorted and added, "Just be sure to sleep with ear plugs."

He left it at that, and assured them he was not joking. They'd have to figure out sometime.

"Waaait... OHMYGAWDCHELSEAWE'REINKINGDOMHEARTSWITHRIKUANDSORAOHMYGODCANIHAVEYOURAUTOGRAPH!" Alanna screamed, pouncing on Riku, knocking them both to the ground.

Sora, jealousy mounting on his face, pouted.

Chelsea rolled her eyes at all of them and sighed.

Riku, seeing Sora's pout, immediatly jumping up and pushing Alanna off him. He ran over to sora in a few strides and embraced him in a loving hug. "I missed you Sora."

Sora smiled into the older boy's chest, and wrapped his arms around Riku's neck. "Same, love."

"Ahem! Break it up! Some people present want to keep their eyesight and not become blind by exposition to sick things!" A high voice sounded, not belonging to any already introduced.

Now it was Riku's turn to roll his eyes. "Yuffie, fuck off."

At 'Yuffie,' he was refering to the dark haired girl where Riku had been standing earlier. She huffed and thennoticed the two other girls near the boys.

"Who's this?" she asked.

"That's Alanna, and Chelsea." Sora said, losing interest as Riku returned his attention to the younger boy. Mainly his lips, but let's not go into that.

Alanna and Chelsea, who had been watching Sora and Riku intently, were snatched out of their daze and grinned at Yuffie. "Hey! Nice to meet you!" Chelsea said.

"Hi! Same here!" the older girl answered.

"Hola Yuffie!" Alanna said.

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That's it! For this chapter! Cloud and Squall up next! I'm too lazy to type more tonight so expect a long update! 


	3. A Tupperware Collectors Dream!

**Chapter Three: A Tupperware Collector's Dream!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts. I own nothing except Ahanu, Alanna, And Chelsea... But Ahanu is the only character I made up. Whatever****

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**

"Hey Sora! Whatcha been up to?" Yuffie asked, lightly poking the small boy in the chest.

"YUFFIE! ONLY I CAN POKE HIM!" Riku yelled, chasing the ninja out of the alleyway.

Everyone rolled their eyes this time. Suddenly, someone appeared out of thin air.

"Hey Ahanu!" Everyone shouted, even Riku and Yuffie, pausing before resuming their chasing.

Ahanu, a short, blonde, boy who was wearing a black trench coat, decided it was the perfect time to get pissed:

"WHY ARE YOU ALL ROLLING YOUR EYES SO MUCH? IT'S LIKE, RETARDED!"

Everyone rolled their eyes again, and Ahanu was so mad he disappeared once again.

"Okay everyone! Sit your freakin asses on the ground _now_!" A duck near the entrance said.

"A-huyk!" Goofy said from his place next to Donald.

Of course, everyone obeyed. Because, Donald Duck was scary.

Pleased, Donald said, "Now, all of you calm down. _Now. _And you can get up."

They did.

Chelsea asked him, "Are your feathers really that white? Or do you dye them?"

Everyone gaped.

"Why, of course they are this color naturally!" Donald said, annoyed.

"Wow! You must be really old!" Alanna said, only to regret it moments later.

"What. Did. You. Say?" Donald said. His face was red and they all swore steam was streaming out of his ducky ears. "**YOU BRAT! GET BACK HERE! I WILL KILL YOU! THUNDAGA! FIRAGA! YOU ARE SO DEAD YOU HEAR ME? DEAD!**"

While Donald was shouting death threats at Alanna and chasing her to the ends of the earth, Riku and Sora started another make-out session.

Yuffie was occupying herself with using Goofy as target practice, using one of her infamous ninja stars.

"Ouchie! Stop it Yuffie! That Smarts!"

"Mwahahaha! Stupid dog! Err… Whatever you are!"

Chelsea was bored.

She decided to explore Traverse Town on her own. She wandered out of the alley and into the street. She noticed random shops and decided to go into one of them.

"Cooper's Sporks and Such…" Chelsea muttered to herself, looking at the violet sign above the orange shop and door. "Awesome!"

"Oh my…" Chelsea muttered to herself when she opened the door. "This…this is awesome…"

Everything from Sporks, spoons, forks, and other silverware and dishes, lined the walls.

"It's like… A Tupperware collectors dream!" Chelsea was the president of the "I Love Sporks Club." Her members? Raechel and Sierra, Alanna's and her friends. Alanna wasn't allowed in the club because she wasn't Sporkey enough. But, before Earth was destroyed, the three members discussed inviting her to join.

Alanna was very upset she didn't get a chance.

At least, she would when Chelsea reminded her later. Oh, Chelsea was such a good friend!

Well anyways, she started looking around the shop. She found a shopping bag and started loading it up with the products.

"Why hello, there! Welcome to Cooper's Sporks and Such! I'm Cooper. How may I help you?" She heard from behind her.

The speaker was a middle-aged man. His hair was a dark shade of violet, almost matching the shop's signs the labeled what was for sale. He was wearing blue jeans and an orange shirt, just like the walls in his shop.

"Hi! I'm Chelsea. No thanks, I'm just fine." She answered, going back to browsing the red bowls she had been looking at.

"Um… You do know those green knives cost 50 munny each… don't you?"

"Oh my god! I totally forgot about munny! Do you accept dollars?"

"Well… I don't know what they are, so no, we don't." He said, brow furrowing. "Sorry, kid."

Chelsea hit her head and put thebag down. "Hold those! I'll be right back!"

She turned and ran out of the shop. Once she got back to where chaos was slowly forming, she screamed, **"OKAY EVERYONE! LISTEN UP!"**

Everyone stopped what they were doing immediatly and looked up. They all blinked expectantly, like they were wanting something important.

"I need some munny! Please?" She said more quietly.

Silence.

"I said please..."

Awkward silence... Then:

"Okay, here you go!" said Sora, and handed her a pouch

"Yay!" She said, and hugged Sora tightly, and sped off before Riku could do something drastic.

When she got back to the shop, Cooper blinked, surprised.

"That was fast." He observed.

"Haha, I didn't want you to sell those!" She grinned.

"Okay, so do you have the munny?"

"Yup! Here ya go!" She handed him the yellow coins in the pouch she had recieved.

After he counted out the munny, Cooper handed her a large bag. "Have a nice day, and come back soon!"

'Once i get some more munny... I spent all of it!' Chelsea thought to herself gloomily.

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**Well, haha... I had fun with the beginning of this chapter. Next time:** **Meet The Fuckers**


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